02 January 2013

A Resolution for The Bears

By Andy McGowan | CRO Contributor
Many people make a New Year’s resolution: go to the gym more; don’t fall for guys who are complete bell-ends; stop smoking; cut down on the booze. In the end nobody ever sticks to them. By next week you’ll be chain smoking and eating a full roast chicken while watching Flog It, planning to go to the gym tomorrow but of course this time you actually mean it. At the end of the day a date on a calendar doesn’t define when you change your life – you do.
There is one resolution however that is imperative for all Rangers fans to stick to this week - don’t fall for guys who are complete wankers, namely Alex Thomson. Our dear old friend Toxic has started the year with a monumental change of direction on Rangers, having forcefully applied the brakes in the last few weeks of 2012.  In his latest article Alex is kind enough to wish us all a Happy New Year because we’ve been screwed. No shit, Alex! You were holding the screwdriver most of the time.

Alex would like a return to football matters for us poor, screwed Rangers fans, after having spent the previous 10 months slandering every single aspect of the Club while never actually mentioning that we did indeed play the beautiful game that is football. He makes a point of describing the ‘big tax case’ as an absurdly long spectacle, one which he was more than happy to play his part in, even claiming we had in fact lost the tribunal before backing down when he saw his Rangers Tax Case friend shredding documents and setting the office on fire. No cigar on that one I’m afraid, Alex.

Despite being on a charm offensive he quite predictably just can’t help himself and announces “we now know from the FTTT that Rangers Football Club copped to dodgy tax arrangements for several players which is an unfair financial advantage. This is cheating”. He reached as far as point 2 of 10 before struggling to keep a lid on his usual nonsense. Maybe a little cartoon devil Phil MacThreeNames popped up on his shoulder and distracted him from the task of buttering us all up.
My favourite part, and the part sure to infuriate his loyal following, is when Alex does the unthinkable and declares “Rangers won’t die, and all the claptrap about zombies and dead clubs needs immediate deletion. A club is – must be – its culture and fanbase, and as Rangers have shown, that will not be killed”. Now that is certainly a change of tune from Mr Thompson who spent the latter part of 2012 describing us as “Rangers” and The Rangers in a clear attempt to imply a change in the Club’s name. There’s something fishy going on here folks so let’s read on and see what ol’ Alex is up to shall we?

He goes on to make some face meltingly generic points about standing areas in Germany and manages to mention the Ibrox disaster without calling us Daleks and then wraps things up with another few digs about “charities, small businesses and educational establishments still out of pocket” before insinuating that Charles Green may yet have some sinister motives. Of course he has no basis for this, ergo he instead shrouds it under the guise of fans examining the club and asking difficult questions.

I have a difficult question, Alex, if you will indulge me. Why, after almost a year of insulting and slandering a club and its fans, would you suddenly hit the brakes and change from positively anti-Rangers to doing your best not to let your discredited Irish west-coast friends influence your blog? You might have asked the same dear readers but fear not, Alex has already provided us with the answer.

He ends his blog by reminding us once again to have a happy ‘taxpaying’ new year. Haha, oh Alex you mad joker you! Oh and he also reminds us of his upcoming talk on football and journalism at Napier University in Edinburgh on the 21st of January and suddenly all is clear. Having spent 10 months doing his best to insult anyone and anything associated with Rangers Football Club he now wants you to part with your hard earned cash to hear a talk given by himself and Mark Daly of the BBC. Don’t be fooled Bears, this little charm offensive will not have gone down well with his friends in the East end but it was needs must for Alex. You can’t hope to give a talk on football in Scotland without Rangers fans. After all, we are the only ones who turn up and Alex has now realised this. Don’t be fooled into giving this man your money, he will pay the tax on it. That of course is just not how we roll, apparently.