What a fucking shocking few days it’s been: beaten 2-1 at Ibrox by part-time Annan Athletic; stories of Lee McCulloch letting down fans who he was due to meet in hospitality; a bizarre attack on Ally McCoist on RangersMedia with a poster claiming on three occasions Ally promised to meet with an elderly fan and each time failed to show with no reason or notice; Kyle Hutton and Darren Cole making great strides in player-fan communication on social networks; and apparent recordings of Barrie McKay singing IRA songs. The Jig, Ally and McKay stories are just rumour (though some perhaps more founded than others) at the moment so let’s leave them to people way smarter than me and I’ll just bullshit about the rest.
The great youth myth of Ibrox
Debates continue to rage over Ally McCoist, Rangers manager, day in and day out following the defeat at home to Annan Athletic. Those who want him out will bring up results, performances and a string of dreadful signings from Matt McKay to Fran Sandaza. Those who want him to be given more time will tell you about Craig Whyte, that he doesn’t do walking away, that we are X number of points clear of the rest and that we are a young side learning the trade. The youth-side myth has got to be put to bed.
Rangers are NOT a young footballing side. They are closer to being a team of old pros than a team of young pretenders. The 2-1 loss to Annan represented a new low for Rangers, possibly the worst defeat in the clubs history. It’s certainly the worst result and performance of the season and it instantly produced the inevitable online arguments over McCoist and his young team’s inconsistency. It’s a fair point. Young players do tend to be inconsistent. They tend to have raw talent without the wisdom of experienced decision-making. The Rangers side that took to the pitch on Saturday however had an average age of 26 years and 7 months! It was hardly a youth team that needs time to grow. Not a single member of the starting XI on Saturday was under 20 years of age, six of our line-up were full international footballers and only four members of the regular match day squad are teenagers.
This season will be remembered for two things - the outstanding support the fans have shown the club when it needed them most, and as a massive own goal in the reinvention of our playing staff and style of football. I imagined us cherry-picking the best of the best that Scottish football had to offer in terms of youth footballers. We had ample time before our transfer ban to sign players and even now can still sign players under the age of 18. So why haven’t we taken every decent prospect from the many other clubs in the country and given them a chance? We could have paid a fee and wages for a youth player for less than the wages we pay Sandaza alone. It’s not too late for Rangers to reinvent themselves with a team of future prospects but time is certainly short and we can’t afford to waste another year signing guys like Emilson Cribari and Kevin Kyle.
Rhys McCabe has a towel, all is forgiven!
Traitorous super-fan Rhys McCabe has taken to Twitter to express his love for Rangers, to remind us that he’s a lifelong Rangers man and that he still adores the club despite the fact he stabbed us in the back during our darkest hour for money and obscurity with a club fighting relegation from the Championship. While he watches from the stands, counting his money, everything is apparently fine because he has a towel with a Rangers badge and his name on it.
Do us a favour, Rhys, and shut the fuck up! We are sick to death of hearing from guys like you, Davis and Naismith. You and your pals shafted us, the club you all claim to support, the club that made your career and the club that put up with Naismith’s injuries and Davis’ underperformances. But now we’ve all to feel sorry for you because the signing on fees are gone and the guilt remains? If Charles Green wants Rangers fans back onside after a few ill-advised comments then he should ban these guys from ever setting foot inside Ibrox again, as players or supporters. The idea of Steven Davis, the most insignificant captain in Rangers history, playing for us again is nauseating. At least Whittaker, Ness and Lafferty have kept their mouths shut, or maybe they just forgot to steal their monogrammed towels on the way out of Murray Park last season. You’d think Rhys could afford a new towel with all the blood money he got for betraying us.
Double sessions… of comedy!
I know I said we lost 2-1 at home to Annan earlier. I just want to confirm that it did actually happen, yeah? We all seen it, right? It wasn’t just a bad dream? Well, apparently Kyle Hutton and Darren Cole must have missed it while they were on Twitter having top banter with each other at our fans’ expense. Having finished a hard and challenging 3 hour workday - 1/3rd of what the Annan players who made him look stupid will be working today – young Hutton decided to tell us that he was off home to watch Homeland. It’s brilliant, apparently.
A few fans of course took exception to this. I’m not sure why. I mean it’s not like we’ve looked unfit all season, is it? Kyle suggested that these people “bore off” before Darren Cole chipped in with some hilarious banter about having a big session tomorrow from 7am until 11pm. Presumably Darren means getting a massage and tweeting us a picture of Kyle’s arse or something because he may also have missed the fact that he’s injured, having played all of 4 minutes of first team football this season, and is now spending his days annoying fans with his casual and careless attitude.
Hutton is right not to worry about training and improving as a footballer I guess. After all we are clear of a bunch of amateurs at the top of the league. If any of my 1,092 Twitter followers would like to start a football team, I am pretty confident we could find 20 guys who could manage that without the need for the second-highest wage bill in Scotland to get there. In Kyle Hutton’s defence, it’s not like he was pictured at a nightclub with a giant bottle of vodka six hours after the worst result of our season and possibly our history. Sort it out lads. You’re not superstars. You are massively underperforming professionals acting like spoiled kids. You are privileged enough to be representing an institution with 141 years of success and tradition. Start fucking acting like it.
If anyone disagrees with me I’d urge you to remember I’ve got a towel with a Rangers badge and my name on it. That makes me a top supporter.