08 January 2016

CRO Scouting Reports

We here at the CRO take great pride in our scouting department who work tirelessly to provide us with info on all players linked with Rangers. Here, for the first time ever, are our exclusive reports on some of the names linked to or inked to deals with Rangers this January.

Matt Crooks


Strengths: Good head of hair; will look staunch as fuck in blue; appears to have two legs; charitable cunt.

Weaknesses: Name reminds you of Charles Green; has Ricky Foster's beard; shite boots.

Have you bought him on FM before this week? No.

Josh Windass


Strengths: Jaw; bricklaying.

Weaknesses: Gene pool; yer Da's new favourite player; that fucking headband.

Have you bought him on FM before this week? If you're Dean Windass.

Polish Goalie


Strengths: Pineapple tossing; bit mental; not called Boruc.

Weaknesses: Name (don't know it); may stab a teammate by mistake.

Have you bought him on FM before this week? Don't fucking lie.

Toumani Diagouraga


Strengths: Built like the side of a building; oral communication.

Weaknesses: "Dave"; Twittering; midfielder from Brentford who's not Lewis Macleod.

Have you bought him on FM before this week? Decent chance.

Harry Forrester


Strengths: Got it up Kenny Shiels before ever kicking a ball; solid given name; can run around a bit.

Weaknesses: Knows Kenny Shiels; reminds people of James Forrest.

Have you bought him on FM before this week? Aye.

1 comment:

  1. When is the CRO pod coming back? Even David Edgar has been quiet for a few weeks.

    ReplyDelete

Keep it civil, lads.