14 September 2012

Ness/Miller: Part 2

Back for round two with CRO's own Nessinator, @RangersTV man Tom Miller answers the tough ones about wallpaper, the reasons he won't miss St Johnstone, and why Trevor Stevens should keep his eyes peeled when Tom's in the area!


Will Ian Black give me a discount on my wall papering if I mention your name?

Blackie will be well decorated by the time he leaves Rangers.

His "let’s Paint this place Maroon” was paraphrased by myself on RTV at the end of last season as we won at Tynecastle. As I summarised our 2nd Goal of the day I said "Hearts Nil Rangers 2 LET'S PAINT THIS PLACE BLUE!" It boomed out and a few Gorgie faithful seated close to our commentary position had to be restrained,  Loved it!! As to a discount? You only get 100% from Blackie. Nothing less!

Personally I think you look like a mob boss…..a bit like Joe Cabot from Reservoir Dogs! If you really were a mob boss who at Ibrox would you have in your crew?

As Nice Guy Eddie said " Okay, First thing's fuckin last!" That will be our next SPL Title after we've bagged a straight hat trick in the SFL.

Reservoir Dogs was about a Ruthless Crew. Let's hope that's the policy of Rangers on the field his season.
So let's also hope we torture a few of our detractors on Cup business over the next couple of seasons!
Tarantino himself couldn't improve on the drama we are witnessing down Ibrox way now.

Where I a mob boss who would my "Capos" be? Kenny Mad Dog McDowall would be my enforcer and Jimmy The Bullet Bell would be my wheel man!

Which SPL game will you miss the most - minus Celtic?

I'll miss a few away days in the SPL. Aberdeen in particular. There is something very satisfying about leaving Pittodrie with 3 points in the bag. Whatever anyone says The Dons (How do people think they are Dandy? Is it to do with the comic? ) always raise their game when The Light Blues are in opposition. The Radio and written media section is still in beside the home fans so it's great when you see them troop out and head for the exits before 90 mins are on the clock.

Which SPL game will you miss the least?

I won't miss trips to Hibs as they as a club have the whole fish supper on their shoulder while I will miss a pre-match cup of tea and great football chat with Peter Houston in his small office in the bowels of Tannadice. I won't miss St Johnstone either. A cold, soulless stadium, even on a good day. Do they have a support? Sasa Papac will no doubt miss them though. He turned scoring against them into an art form.

What Kirky Broadfoot taught us is that footballers and cooking don’t mix! But if you could pick three players to do an episode of come dine with me with who would they be and why?

Start with former player Nacho Novo. Tapas and Rioja on the menu. With that Inverclyde Iberian accent he could regale us all with Ha Ha Samaras stories all night. I hear he also makes a mean Potato Tortilla!  I first met the wee man the day he signed for Raith it's no understatement to say he is a genuine top man!

Next to the table would be Harry H Handsome from the current squad Andrew Little. I would keep a couple of spare seats and ask Andy to bring a couple of his "admirers" along! Can't beat a bit of eye candy as dessert. Not sure that Ross Perry lives off his cast offs though!

I'd have a high chair handy for Barrie McKay and small portions would be enough for him. At only 17 I couldn't possibly condone the consumption of alcohol so more wine for the rest of us.

For a bit of entertainment I would maybe ask The Gaffer to come along and give us a rendition or two of The Boss - Springsteen that is - but Big Andy has just tried to veto it in case Ally cuts his grass with the birds!!

Do you read sites such as CoplandRoad.org, The Rangers Standard, etc? If so whats your opinion on such websites giving our more articulate fans such a great platform to make a point?

Of course I read the sites, and Coplandroad.org and The Rangers Standard are always on my radar.  I'm a Rangers Fan, always have been always will be. Keep up all the good work.

Can you get me a place in the million pound crossbar challenge? 

I am pleased to confirm The Nessinator will be given an opportunity to lift The Million in the crossbar challenge. A slight handicap though because of your dead ball accuracy. It will take place at the Broomloan Road End and you've to kick it from Charing X and do it with a tennis ball!

Favourite moment from the summer of sport?

Sensational summer of sport but be honestly could we all really focus on anything but where our Club was going?

For Andy Murray a memorable mixture of tears and triumphs from SW19 but how enthralling was his 1st Major success from New York? I really enjoyed South Africa putting England to the sword in Test Match Cricket but it's hard to see past the remarkable cycling successes of the summer. Hoy and Olympic Gold and Wiggins in The Tour de France. But I will! Rangers’ signing Ian Black was a positive that had us all smiling but maybe the main story has still to come out
New contracts for Lewis MacLeod and Barrie McKay committing to 2017 may yet be the most satisfying story of this summer (albeit a bit late) Watch this space!

Stewart Regan and Neil Doncaster – Which fast food outlet would they be best suited to?

I would definitely deep fry Doncaster while a Subway would be perfect for Regan. The deeper underground the better!

Have their appointments been good for the Scottish game? Put it this way both should have had their Chips by now!!

How do you celebrate a Rangers win?

How do I celebrate a Rangers win? Well to be honest the best celebrations are after a win against "The Sellik " when I can usually be found sooking a lemon for at least a week!

Many years ago I used to meet a couple of the players and kick every ball all over again in a hotel not far from Ibrox and see off a couple of Shandies. Now it's pretty much straight home pick up my partner Patricia and we head out for dinner and a good bottle of wine before going home for a Swally!! Then read all the papers on Sunday despite the columnists in Scotland's favourite red tops leaving me speechless with their "non agenda" pieces. Let's just say it's unlikely these guys will have anything as near a comfortable a Saturday night as I have following a Light Blues win!

Did you enjoy playing Bane in The Dark Knight Rises?

I loved an excuse to get my Gimp Mask back on and when I was offered the part as Bane in Dark Knight Rises it was too good an opportunity to miss. So my secret is out! Wait to you see the follow up! Carnage! I think I might even train Blackie (Blackie Bane?) up as my successor. It will make a change from his other role as Jacko in Brush Strokes!

Last and most importantly, who at Rangers has the hottest WAG?

Hottest Wag?  To be fair there are a few candidates but at last season's Legends match v Milan Mrs Trevor Steven was the cause of many a head on a swivel in and around the corridors of Ibrox. Madame Steven is more French than Sancerre and confirms that the former Gers midfielder didn't lose his touch in his brief spell at Marseille. Don't take my word for it.....check her out on Google Images......Ooooooooo La La!!!

Ness/Miller Part 1 is available here