27 September 2012

The Nessinator Steelmen Special

by The Nessinator | CRO special guest | @JamieFukinNess |

Hiding from the cane in an undisclosed Staffordshire service elevator, The Nessinator was kind enough to monitor the in-game thread at a Well fan forum last night.

Sadly, he was unable to provide much more post-game coverage as Tony Pulis discovered his location and promptly beat him silly up and down the A52 between Ashbourne, lest any of his other players get the idea that anything less than bleeding from their eyes is an acceptable outcome to a day on the training ground at Clayton Wood.

But his undercover work does not go unappreciated at CRO, and we hope Tony lets him out of the Bet365 Iron Maiden soon.


SPL giants Motherwell took to the pitch last night to beat Division 3 nobodies Zombie Fc/Sevco/The Huns 6-0 and pure put us in our place. Sadly no one had told them that Dean Shiels had his eye on them, and the Not-So-Steelmen crumbled, perhaps due to the shock of playing in front of actual human beings and not plastic seats.

Super Lee was just happy with the win while the rest of us were delighted to see Fran Sandaza make a genius tactical switch by smashing his own face off.  Let’s hear what the Well fans had to say in the lead up, and aftermath of the match!


Bop tells us that “If we get right in about them and manage to score an early goal i'll be confident of a fairly comfortable victory. 4-1. Higgy hat trick and Ojamaa with the other.”

Nice one, Bop.

Coolhandluc agrees that the Zombie mob won’t be a problem: “We should be able to beat that lot with any of our first team squad. But agreed bring Ramsden back if fit . bring on daley for last 10 mins to take the piss”

Tommycoyne fancied a bit of bookie bashing: “I am covering my bets against the greyskull mob and betting us ht ft plus 4,5,6 one to us . They will score but we will be victorious and I will be in that wee corner bit to watch it and celebrate”

Let’s hope you didn’t steal your mother-in-law’s cash to back that, Tommy!

Steelboy was unhappy with his fellow fans suggesting that Rangers 2012 were to be feared or respected: “better opposition? i don't think there will much of an inferiority complex against barry mckay and lewis mcleod.“

That one will still be haunting Steelboy in 5 years when Barry and Lewis are running riot in the special needs premier league.

Mad Dog boldly predicted, “5-1 'well, Higgy and Henrick both fighting for a hat-trick.”

Our good friend Steelboy is back with more predictions about Motherwell remaining solvent: “only 23,000 tickets sold for the home end of this apparently. we'll be lucky to make £100k out this if that's the case. hopefully the semi and the final will be moneyspinners”

They will be Steelboy, but not for you!

Superwell87 is feeling good: “Have a good feeling we will win this one 3-1. Goals from Higgy, Ojamaa and Hutch”

Only thing Hutch got was a sore heed.

Wellfan1984 predicts, “3-1 us and by the 85th minute the attendance will be about 4000 as all those loyal fans need to make it back to the boat/beat the traffic”

Must have thought his club were playing Sellic.

Maplewell adds, “Judging on the fact I have a job interview when the game is being played so I am unable to watch a stream, we'll probs hump them 4-0 or sumthin”

Judging by his spelling he didn’t get the job.

Alanr doesn’t seem a very happy man: “Get fucking tore into these 3rd division zombie bastards Motherwell! It may be the biggest game in their short history but we are better than them in every sense of the word and will be having a party before pumping their ugly sisters on Saturday!”

He’s probably not much happier now

Ankles wants a long wait to end: “time to put the last 15 years to bed . Lets do this shower of shite . Really believe they'll be some bother tonight .although the half empty stadium wont have much atmosphere (apart from us) i think the face to face Sevco rage will be something to behold. Hoping for any sort of win but anything above 2-0 i would fecking love”

Heres to another 15 years, Ankels!


Underboyleheating doesn’t think much of Rangers: “This Rangers team are shite, and we are showing them too much respect. Without Black and Templeton they are
looking very ordinary.”


MJC makes some half time predictions! “Nothing in it really but we just don't have that killer touch and I can't see us scoring. That said they've not done much up the other end, though our defence looks shaky again. Think a penalty shoot out defeat could well be on the cards here.”

Let’s find out, shall we?

GOAL! 1-0 Rangers “Fuuuuuuccccckkkkk Offff” “Fuck off.....same old story” “Fuck off Motherwell” “Glad I missed that, was getting a pizza out the oven!” “Fuck off Motherwell! (again)” “Thats it game over same feckin shit every time we play them..why am i not surprised” “What a bunch of shitebags we are.”

Underboyleheating has had enough: “TV switched off, I can’t watch any more of this pish.”

Squirrlehumper: “I'm raging watching this and I'm not even a motherwell fan!”

Odd comment on a Motherwell forum...

Geek25601 has an interesting concept: “Should we ever bother playing Rangers again or just give them the victory!!!!!”

Isn’t that what you do anyway?

GOAL! 2-0 Rangers “Is anybody really surprised by this? I mean REALLY surprised?” “Disgrace!!!! Nuf said...” “Absolute fucking disgrace of a performance this.” “I won't now be back at firpark untill that Rangers bastard McCall is gone.Oh aye and that Airdrie bastard Black as well.” “Left the room twice, one to get a pizza out the oven and once to get tomato sauce. They scored both times. Lot of shit... The pizza wasn't even good.”

Wellfan2K7 has some strange views on being a supporter: “You lot really are shite supporters. Seriously, who gives a fuck? Kinda hope we see a third”

FULLTIME – Division 3 Rangers 2 - Top of the SPL Motherwell 0

MJC, whose predictions didn’t go so well, discusses the performance: “An absolutely shameful, disgraceful and gutless performance from us and we deserve all the slack we're going to get for that. Hang your heads in shame Motherwell.”

Dosser30: “Agent McCall strikes again”

He does indeed, Dosser! He does indeed

Steelboy talks Well players: “Chris humphrey is the most heartless, talentless shitebag ever to play for the well. The sooner the clown is gone from fir park the better.”

Auldyin adds that, “We were muscled out of every position.We wanted to play tippy tappy stuff and they just went through us.”

The day Motherwell play tippy-tappy football is the day Ally McCoist supports the tims.

Special finds a silver lining: “My head tells me the Zombies would probably have beaten 11 of the 12 SPL teams tonight, it was always going to be their BIG game. We lost the cup-tie, woop-di-doo, its a Mickey-Mouse cup anyway. We're over 30 places above the Zombies, and everyone likes us.”

At least everyone likes you!

Graham H compounds the misery: “For all those going on about Rangers having a big budget most of their big earners were in the stand or off the park when we capitulated. We were beaten by the equivalent of a reserve team.”

To be fair Graham, it was a youth team not a reserve team.

Swami rounds off the chat by blaming an old favourite: “I blame everything about last night on Nacho Novo.”

When will these diddy teams remember we are better than them, no matter what division we are in?