26 November 2012

This post has been legally cleared by CRO lawyers

By Shane Nicholson | CRO Executive Editor

There are methods shoddy journalists will use to fill in the gaps in their reporting, or make themselves look a bit more credible than they are. Anonymous sources are always a winner, or playing the travel card -- I couldn't cover it. I was on my way to such-and-such and there is no such thing as mobile internet connections in my universe.

BEWARE: Marks of the perpetually lazy.

One of the all-time greats is trying to make it appear as if your story is so cutting, so mad raging shit-stormingly awesome, that you had to have your outlet's legal department pick through every word with a fine-toothed comb before releasing it:

Nothing this stain on modern journalism reports in regards to Rangers is worthy of this type of clearance, and as for his "tax experts," well, we know who they are. Bravo on working "downfall" into your close for this piece, Alex. What'd you win in RTC bingo this week?

This is A1 in the handbook on how to take a story in which you have no part to play, zero significance that you haven't already created by your own hand, and perpetuating your continued involvement. What I'm saying is so mind-blowingly fucking spectacular I had to have a dozen lawyers read it first.

No, you didn't. And if Channel 4 is making you screen your shit past their legal department first now it's only so you don't get them on David Murray's ever growing litigation hit list, Alex.

You're a con artist, and you can't stop the momentum of your own downfall now, so you figure you might as well ride it out. Your pay plan must have a heavy bonus for web-traffic, a trick learned from the freelance golfist, no doubt.

If I was a betting man, I'd say "legally cleared" in this case roughly translates to "waiting for the intern on the web-side to remove all the soft returns from my story so it isn't a complete fucking mess when it hits the site."

I'm not sure you could climb any further up your own ass at this point, Alex, but it's going to be fun watching you try.